"Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand."
-Brave New World/ Aldous Huxley
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
wrong decision?
ok, mom. throwing the water balloon was a wrong and stupid decision, i know. you dont see that i made the right decision in the first place by leaving the house. the wrong decision would have been to stay at home and let you put me down even more. i made the right decision and i support that decision
in a year ill be gone
the one night i deserve to be yelled at, i notice so much.
whether i deserve it or not. whether i did something or did not do something. whether i made the right choice or the wrong choice...
my mom still yells at me. i know it might sound like the normal teenage cliche thing to say. "all families go through this" or "yeah man, all moms are the same" or "its a part of life." i mean but it gets fucking old is all im saying. ive just noticed that i continue trying to avoid doing the wrong thing knowing that there will still be that one wrong thing i will still do and be made inferior for. if its going to happen, why should i even try to avoid it?
everyone makes mistakes. "hey man, that was a stupid fucking thing to do. youre 17 right? in a year, youre going to be an adult and can go to jail for that crap. just think about how the situation could have been worse. what if it were a rock instead of a water balloon? what if it were a bunch of kids and an old lady in the car instead?"
all my dad could say was
"you should be a damn shame of yourself."
later...
"youre prolly one of the smartest guys i know, maybe have ever known. and its my youngest son. its a fuckin shame. you should be ashamed of yourself"
"yeah dad, its a damn shame"
"fuckin shame"
"damn shame"
"no j. not a damn shame. A FUCKIN SHAME!"
all i could say after that was...
"in a year ill be gone. you two will alone and happy. ill be happy. just wait one more year"
"(YELLING SOMETHING I CANT REMEMBER)"
"in a year ill be gone."
whether i deserve it or not. whether i did something or did not do something. whether i made the right choice or the wrong choice...
my mom still yells at me. i know it might sound like the normal teenage cliche thing to say. "all families go through this" or "yeah man, all moms are the same" or "its a part of life." i mean but it gets fucking old is all im saying. ive just noticed that i continue trying to avoid doing the wrong thing knowing that there will still be that one wrong thing i will still do and be made inferior for. if its going to happen, why should i even try to avoid it?
everyone makes mistakes. "hey man, that was a stupid fucking thing to do. youre 17 right? in a year, youre going to be an adult and can go to jail for that crap. just think about how the situation could have been worse. what if it were a rock instead of a water balloon? what if it were a bunch of kids and an old lady in the car instead?"
all my dad could say was
"you should be a damn shame of yourself."
later...
"youre prolly one of the smartest guys i know, maybe have ever known. and its my youngest son. its a fuckin shame. you should be ashamed of yourself"
"yeah dad, its a damn shame"
"fuckin shame"
"damn shame"
"no j. not a damn shame. A FUCKIN SHAME!"
all i could say after that was...
"in a year ill be gone. you two will alone and happy. ill be happy. just wait one more year"
"(YELLING SOMETHING I CANT REMEMBER)"
"in a year ill be gone."
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