the balance

in my philosophy 160 class, we read a book called The Road Less Traveled, which was like a spiritual enlightenment book and i must say, that book is probably the reason i feel very content with my life/faith right now.

1. i put this first because this has always been in the top 3 things i think about on a minute-minute basis- faith and God. i was always raised on a christian-based household, although i cannot recall going to church with my family once. and then my mom enrolled me into a catholic school for 4 years (3-6), which helped me out by telling me what my family never told me straight forward, but also gave me this notion of structure and strictness. After elementary school, i was never forced to go to church or even be religious, but i still kept my faith in one way or another. and then college came and i read The Road Less Traveled, and it confirmed a lot to me. it told me that, as long as i had faith and an inner feeling on the "higher entity," then it would all be good. God is inside all of us, and i can feel him. for a long portion of high school i felt guilty that my religion was more internal than going to church, but after a long time of thinking about it, i know that God knows i fully believe in him and that i love Him truly, and that's all that matters.

2. the unconscious vs. the conscious. who you truly are is considered your unconscious and it can be considered your "soul" if you wanna think about it that way. your conscious is more of what you think about yourself and what you make yourself to be by your actions. and basically, true happiness and content happens when these two are one. however, the only way to make this happen is to... be yourself i guess. listen to your gut feelings and let yourself be who it wants you to be. also, your dreams may be just a collection of random thoughts but they are a big window into what your unconscious is like. i feel that i am letting myself be myself and i am constantly doing what i can to make sure im not drifting too far away.

3. balance. boredom is the lack of duty in your life. stress is the abundance of duty in your life. find the balance, and happiness comes naturally. i have found the balance for now. i have a job, i skate, i hang out with my friends, but i dont feel like i have too much on my shoulders (until school comes around again haha).

and i felt i should post this so possibly someone will see something that i didnt see soon enough and it will help them out like it has helped me. but seriously, read the book. it's called The Road Less Traveled by (Scott?) Peck. God, listening to your unconscious, and balance are the top three reasons, in that order, that i feel my life has direction and am making progress without being too stressed.

these are my words

i'm not ashamed of myself. i'm not letting my past break me down. i am who i am from what i have done and what i have not done. yes, i have made many mistakes and i've treated the right people the wrong ways. but who hasn't? i'm learning and i don't want to live this life alone. i want my friends there with me, with everything. the worst days in my life are not the days when i get in fights with my best friends or when my girlfriend and i break up, it's the days i spend alone with my friends completely out of the picture. and that comes to the reason i felt like signing on to create this blog...

a good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting right next to you. i remembered that the other night when i guess all the shit hit the fan. it made me think because i'd much rather have someone in the same hole trying to dig out than a friend on the outside looking down on us, while although helping us, having no idea what it feels like to be there. and deep in a hole is just a metaphor because it doesn't have to be a bad situation but a really really fun situation. and that's another thing. we learned that the higher the risk the higher the payout. the ones there with me know it's very possible for it to end up bad but just as possible for it to come out really fun and memorable. i just want everyone to be in my memories.

i'm sure i've told all of you that i miss high school the most out of all of us. i'm just trying to transition from the best 4 years in my life into college life, where it will never be the same group as it was when we were all at lunch or at cross country practice. not a single day goes by where i don't get sad inside for missing the good times, but the only therapy i have is to live my life now and create some new memories. and that's all i want, for everyone to be in my memories, the good and the bad.

it's coming to the point where i'm going to throw the towel in. recently, a very very good friend of mine always seems to count himself out of plans with the group. some excuse or something he has to do gets in the way. i want you back, because you're drifting away from me. i'm not sure about how the others feel, but i want you to be one of the ones who's right next to me as opposed to the one who's on the outside looking in or hearing the stories, but never able to relate or say "oh shit, i remember that."

to all my good friends, i would love for you to be there with me. sacrifice a bit for me because i'm always willing to sacrifice as much necessary to be there in the group. to all my true friends, thank you because we have plenty of memories to share and plenty more to make. i want my good friends to become true friends and my true friends to stay here. i don't want it any other way.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J73pBhAlFJU&feature=related